Thoughts

So.... here we are again, I don't even know why I have this thing... I haven't posted in months, I don't have regular status. Hell I don't even say anything profound or meaningful so why even keep this.... I still don't know. Been having a real shitty last couple months. I got a really good position at the guard company I got employed by. Really good life almost 800 every two weeks good.... then had it taken away from me. Why, well because the person in charge of the contract with my company "didn't Like me" and wanted a new guard.... That was in April... its now June and I still haven't found anymore work....  I don't know if I said it here but for the longest time I was depressed and eventually suicidal.. and not this bullshit tween "My life sucks I just wanna die" crap. I mean literally put the gun in my mouth suicidal. I got help and to my delight and surprise I got better. Then I truly fell in love and for the first time had that love returned back to me in kind, I lost a shit ton of weight and my life felt like it was finally starting to turn around... That was two years ago... and were have I gone? What have I done with these two years.... well I feel like I've done allot. The reality... I haven't done a god damn thing. I still live with my dad, I'm still jobless, and to top it all off I still haven't physically met the woman I love.... Oh yeah and the thoughts... those dark angry painful thoughts that I had beaten for at least five years.... their back.... and back in spades... So why am I typing this... Why am I sitting in an empty house alone typing on a laptop desk I mean fuck if my life is as bad as it feels I should just end it now right? Well While I want.... really do want to just end it all I know I cant.... that I shouldn't... that it wouldn't solve anything.... So i type... I listen to sad music and I type, soon Ill walk to my friends house maybe have a smoke maybe not and try with everything I have to lock these thoughts back up..... I don't have any answers... just a fuck load of questions but... while I'm still around... I might as well type. As always I'm the well known Nobody and these have been my admittedly darker thoughts.

Up then back down and back up slightly.

Hello anyone out there who finds this and reads these. My last post was admittedly a huge downer. Since then I had a very good talk with my father and felt loads better. A week later and I get a phone call after work. Hey man our buddy died this morning. So that happened. I still haven't fully recovered but whomever it was that said life moves on long after we are gone was right proof positive is tomorrow I half to go to Torrance to get my guard card work finished, more specifically the finger printing and the livescan. So as the title says Ive been up down up down this past three or more weeks. Anyway had burgers for dinner tonight, watching videos on youtube then bed for this well known nobody. Goodnight fokes.

What am I.....

Hello internet. Its been some time... Last week my mom stressed with bills and my grandmother and a myriad of other things said in no so many words that I'm a leach... That I basically contribute nothing while taking everything. A few hours ago I was eating the last chips of my subway dinner and my dad whom with which I live asked me for a chip. There was dust left and I just wanted to finish my dinner so I said no. We then got into an argument that basically went your not going to give me a chip I paid for, to which I said but you didn't buy these chips I did, and then it spiraled culminating in my dad no so subtly saying, I've been carrying your for three years.... So my dad thinks I'm a leach as well.... I have a shitty part time permanent eight dollar an hour job. My last three event pay check was some were around a hundred bucks... half of which went to the internet bill I pay for... the rest went to groceries. 95% of all the money I've earned working has gone to pay for things we, me and my dad, need in the apartment..... Am I really a leach... Yeah I cant as of right now with how little hours I can get pay for the utilities or the rent but.... Am I really nothing but a drain on everyone's resources... just some burden everyone puts up with.... What am I?.....

Whelp

So I'm working hard to get this cool credential called a guard card!!! *epic horn music and confetti explosion* Yeah its not that exciting but I digress its important and it'll help me get a better job so yeah I'm excited dang it. Any who I was working on the course work when I get logged out of a page three times in a row, fearing its something on my end I call their help line and the Lovely woman on the other end tells me that many people have called in same page same problem and that it'll take a day for them too fix.... Well shit so I'm just derping around and re watched the only season of the Starz show Gravity.... Loved that show and because of a low viewer rating it got canceled after one season and normally that's okay and they can end the show so it you know has an ending, but this show got canceled after the last episode aired so it ended on a cliff hanger and that was Gunshot cut to black, credits..... so gay but eh such is life, Dinner tonight, Taco hamburger helper and Who's line is it anyway on the cw till later, I'm the well known nobody and these were my thoughts.

Time, work, and things to be thankful for.

So it's been months since my last post and for no other real reason then procrastination and life generally taking away my focus on this. So if there were any of you who were expecting regular posts and updates that never came I apologize for that. Any who over the last months I've been away I've been Busy with all manner of things, some painful, some joyous, but i digress. I had been looking for work for almost a solid two years before landing a good job as an assembler for braces and then I lost it. So it was back to the grind looking for employment in this awful economy and to say its been rough is a bit of an understatement. I did however get a lot of yard work done at my moms with my dad so that was a plus. I finally landed another job this last month that doesn't really pay well because its meant to be a second job and part time thing for students but it offers a online class to get a guard card to be a security guard licence which those jobs do pay well and are more full time, might end up working for the tsa who knows. Things are moving along with my wonderful girlfriend who is honestly the best thing to ever happen to me and to tell the truth I can see myself living the rest of my life with her. Now I know people would say "Whoa now Grady pump the brakes a bit your only 20 and haven't even lived life yet" but truth be told I'm not very wild, yeah I have some desires to go and have fun and be stupid but ill do that anyway. Another thing is I don't know the future so we might not stay together long enough to get to that point you never know that's the thing about life, lots of ups and downs and curve balls lots of curve balls. Speaking of curve balls one of the massive limbs on the tree in the front yard of my moms house just decided it was tired and fell down. So me and dad have been chipping away at it trying to grind and clear all the brush which is time consuming and difficult add the ridiculous 90 degree weather were feeling in southern Cali and it all leads to soar muscles and hot skin. My short 20 years on this earth have been testing and difficult but the more I look back and take stock the more I realize. I have a pretty good life, and have allot to be thankful for. So in honor of the 4th of July holiday coming up I thought it might be a good idea for people to slow down and take it all in. Look around and take stock in your life and reflect on the choices you have made and the things you have to be thankful for as we celebrate our nations birthday. Thanks for dropping by and I hope to talk to you all soon.
And as always I'm the well known nobody and these have been my thoughts.

So

Hello everyone Well its been months since I last updated this thing and I figure since I have internet again permanently this time, I figure I can write regularly again. So updates, some bullshit went down with some former friends not gonna get to into it because its my business and well its just not all that worth talking about anymore. I Finally have had a loving girlfriend since may first so yeah 7 months this is so awesome I cant even emote it enough here lol. Anyway still looking for a job here in southern Cali which is still fuckin retarded but eh such is life not like I can up and stop looking right??Well anyway that should be enough of an update for now, but don't worry thanks to the powers at bee I have internet so I will be posting hopefully on a weekly basis maybe daily  well see. See you next time and as always I'm the well known nobody and these have been my thought.

well shit...

Hey everyone its been months since my last post sorry for that but not much has really happened other than me working for the government as a poll worker which to this date I've yet to be paid for. Oh I went to the hospital today because my spines been giving me trouble turns out its just torn muscle.... Who knew lol anyway doc has me on some medicine and told me to stop moving for a bit so it could heal. Also Good news everyone, I was weighed and last time I was at 387lds and this time the magic number has dropped to 365 Hell yeah fat cells can bite my ever shrinking ass. Anyway nothing else to report really just trying to get a yob and stay healthy, by yall, And as always I'm the well known nobody and these have been my thoughts.